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#airpods#talk#strangers#don#more#someone#less#headphones#ear#social

Discussion (94 Comments)Read Original on HackerNews

tptacek•about 2 hours ago
I don't remember any time in my life where it ever felt normal to me to randomly talk to strangers. I went to London when I was a teenager and was made uncomfortable by how chatty the cab drivers were. Later, I worked at a startup and my boss was preternaturally gifted at chatting up strangers, which he did habitually in every setting we were in when we traveled; on the plane, on the bus from the airport, &c. I remember feeling like he was a freak of nature.

And I'm not an introvert!

All of this long predates Airpods.

I think this is a cultural difference, not a technological shift.

dav43•about 2 hours ago
My take, is that this effect has removed a lot of the micro communications we make - not necessarily random conversations. It’s taken away random moments that may trigger a short small conversation with strangers.

In part it’s taking away the shared experience in public and making it “my” experience.

mlinhares•about 1 hour ago
Completely anecdotal story, me and a friend had completely different experiences going to Portugal. We're both Brazilians so language, food, culture aren't barriers, he's very talkative and would joke and try to interact with random people in the street or restaurants. He had a terrible experience, hated the country, vowed to never come back, said he wasn't welcomed anywhere, people were rude, even waitresses.

I'm more of a "talk when talk is needed" person but still social. i don't really interact with strangers in the street and I assume business social interactions (like restaurants) are just that, business, so I'm polite but i'm not going to crack a joke with someone i've never seen before and will likely never see again. My experience was the complete opposite, loved Portugal, would easily move there if salaries weren't shit, people were nice, i felt welcomed anywhere i went, might have been the only place outside of Brazil i have really felt at home.

I think its important to NOT BE RUDE with the random people you meet in the street but I also see no reason so strike a conversation with them. If I happen to see something that picks up my interest, like a band shirt, book i like or something like that, i might bring it up if we're going to stay in the same place for long, but starting a conversation out of nowhere just isn't a thing for me.

saghm•about 1 hour ago
Sure, but when the only reason I had those random moments with strangers were because they wanted them, and refusing to engage is considered "rude", I'd argue that it already was just someone else's "my" experience before, just "shared" because of societal peer pressure. What changed is that now I have a way to actually assert my boundaries without being the rude one.
garrickvanburen•about 1 hour ago
Whether grocery shopping or an endurance running event (5K+) those with any kind of headphones in are simply less aware of the people trying to get around them.
bombcar•14 minutes ago
I heard they're thinking of putting cameras in the AirPods - so we'll just add collision avoidance (and backup alarms).
wenc•27 minutes ago
As someone from Chicago (actual Chicago, south side, not the suburbs), randomly talking to strangers is what we do.

We're talking to strangers at the bus stop, at the grocery check out, or just wherever. It's just phatic conversation, nothing needs to come of it. Chicagoans aren't just friendly, they actually love the art of the conversation -- every conversation is a chance to put in the reps.

But the minute you step into the suburbs, this habit disappears.

exmadscientist•about 1 hour ago
Talking to strangers is a skill. You can practice it! I've made a point of trying to practice, albeit halfheartedly, and even though it's difficult for me, because I like it when other people try to talk to me.

Earbuds stop this practice dead in its tracks. You can't deny that.

saghm•about 1 hour ago
As someone who is often pretty introverted, I feel like wireless earbuds just give me a way to act like I already wanted to with less friction. I pretty rarely want to talk to random strangers, not because I have anything against them, but because I just find it takes a lot of energy for me to do so (probably not in small part from having to replicate a lot of what comes naturally from others in terms of social signal reading with extra effort). People seem to be a lot less likely to randomly initiate conversations with me when I'm out in public with my earbuds on, and that saves me from having to decide between feeling even more tired after going out or the awkwardness of trying to cut off the conversation short to avoid spending energy on it.
sanswork•about 2 hours ago
My mom was one of those people that talked to people everywhere we went and seemed to know someone everywhere too. As a very shy kid I was constantly mortified but I had the startling realisation several years back that I'm that person now just starting conversations all over the place. Oddly enough seeing your comment I think the change happened when I moved to England in my late teens but I didn't recognise it until my 30s. I do wear my airpods a lot on walks these days but I always silence them as I approach people and regularly take them out if it seems like a conversation is about to start.
jasonfarnon•25 minutes ago
Well, what culture are you saying patterns like you?
basisword•about 1 hour ago
I definitely think it's generational. Every person I know over 50 could talk to a brick wall for hours. The people I know 30-40 it's a struggle for at least half of them. Under 30 and it gets much worse.

Even the older introverted people I know, who I would characterise as quiet, would find it really rude to get in a taxi and not chat to the driver for the duration of the journey.

With people doing their entire careers remotely now I can only see this shift happening faster and more intensely. Small talk is a skill like any other and I think it's a sad skill to lose on a societal level. And I say this as a serious introvert that doesn't love to make small talk. Nine times out of ten, when I do make the effort to e.g. talk to a taxi driver I come away happier.

AaronAPU•about 1 hour ago
I’ve noticed the age gradient as well. It’s hard to miss.
haaz•about 2 hours ago
as someone who enjoys talking to strangers, while it is less common in some countries like China, and big cities in most countries, people tend to react mostly the same.
coldtea•about 2 hours ago
This is common experience also in ND vs NT differences.
fundad•about 2 hours ago
Agreed. These people seem to be panicking that our precious society is suffering because of choices people are making for themselves when that’s just what society is. If they benefit from talking to more people, go ahead and enjoy the benefits. They aren’t owed anything.

I’ll talk to strangers when it makes me feel good. But most of the time I try avoid inviting weirdos to complain about minorities or marginalized people from someone who has driven away anyone close to them.

anon-3988•35 minutes ago
> Agreed. These people seem to be panicking that our precious society is suffering because of choices people are making for themselves when that’s just what society is. If they benefit from talking to more people, go ahead and enjoy the benefits. They aren’t owed anything.

I hope you don't complain when people use social media or have LLM as their daddy to cope then :)

basisword•about 1 hour ago
>> I try avoid inviting weirdos to complain about minorities or marginalized people from someone who has driven away anyone close to them.

I would suggest that it's your avoidance of talking to strangers that makes you think this is how a lot of them think. And it kind of proves the point that society can suffer because of it. If you went out tomorrow and talked to 100 random strangers for 10mins I'd be surprised if any of them complained about minorities.

Natfan•14 minutes ago
check out some vox populi, you would be surprised
XorNot•25 minutes ago
That is statistically unlikely. Almost everyone has a "racist uncle" type story and that's what, out of 10 people in your family tops?

Chances are at least 20 of them would.

bsder•about 1 hour ago
It's one thing to isolate against strangers in a subway. It's another thing to be goddamn oblivious in a shared space like a grocery store--to take a random (not) example. It's getting to the point that I have to body up to people to get them to take notice that they're blocking a half dozen of us.

I also do agree with the comment that airpods do seem to get in the way of the most basic of social etiquette. Simple "please" and "thank you" are increasingly rare since you can't recognize the cues when your ears are full of something else.

MBlume•about 2 hours ago
I'd much rather be surrounded by people wearing earbuds than have people watching tiktoks through their phone speakers on the subway
nozzlegear•about 2 hours ago
That just sounds like another version of what the author is talking about: using [device] to avoid human interaction.
walrus01•about 2 hours ago
In a really big and busy city it's emotionally exhausting and not reasonable to have an interaction with everyone near you. The only way a lot of people can tolerate being packed into busy public transit systems on a daily basis is to intentionally ignore each other to a certain degree.

It's essentially the same unspoken etiquette rule as what you're socially expected to do if riding a crowded elevator.

Go commute by NYC subway 10 times a week, M-F especially during peak tourist season and you'll understand.

I intentionally behave completely different if I'm in a small town of 3000 people or walking down the street, shopping, riding transit in a large city.

tcoff91•about 2 hours ago
100 years ago they sold pocket sized books so people in cities could ignore each other by reading books.
huggert6•3 minutes ago
Imagine living in a city lol
HDBaseT•about 1 hour ago
and people still try and suggest public transport is great, when its a hellhole..
bananamogul•about 1 hour ago
I remember in the 70s and 80s people on buses and subways reading magazines and newspapers. The idea that electronic devices have ushered in some age where humans want to interact with each other less is a myth I think.
garrickvanburen•about 1 hour ago
There seems to be an overall, “I’m just now aware of this phenomenon, technology must be to blame” when the phenomenon has stayed constant and the tech has shifted under it.

#moraloutrage

MBlume•14 minutes ago
As is driving alone in a car
chasd00•about 2 hours ago
The only interaction you’re missing in ops post is politely asking them to turn it down and being told very aggressively to “shut the fuck up!”.
bananamogul•about 1 hour ago
j-bos•about 1 hour ago
Or getting killed for it.
saghm•about 1 hour ago
Sure, in the same way that taking a leak in a toilet and taking a leak on the sidewalk are both ways of avoiding wetting your pants
bko•about 1 hour ago
I don't think that's it. I think highly anti-social behavior is often deliberate, looking for someone to challenge you. An exertion of power. That's why pretty much everyone learns to ignore the behavior and not say anything.
cma•about 1 hour ago
Newspapers have probably been used for this on subways for this as long as subways have been around. Walkmen in the 80s.
pb7•about 2 hours ago
Coincidentally, the latter increases the number of the former. Most people are going to avoid confrontation and instead opt for their personal noise cancelation.
mciancia•about 2 hours ago
> Most people are going to avoid confrontation

Yeah buying airpods seems like better idea than being stabbed/beaten up

misiti3780•about 1 hour ago
those are just people with bad manners.
shevis•about 2 hours ago
> Heavy headphone use makes people feel lonelier, the survey found.

Correlation for sure, I’m less sure about causation though. It seems equally likely to me that other factors are driving increased social anxiety/isolation which in turn drives people to wear headphones to avoid social interactions.

AussieWog93•about 1 hour ago
I'll chuck autism and overstimulation in there too. There's a reason that there's the stereotype of the autist wearing their noise-cancelling headphones.
try_the_bass•13 minutes ago
The thought of intentionally deafening myself to the outside world, even partially, is unnerving, because I can't stand the thought of nerfing my own situational awareness to that degree. Especially in fast-paced environments, like city streets, where sounds can carry such important signal.

Even watching someone else walk around a city with headphones/earbuds in is something that makes me uncomfortable by proxy. It's like someone deciding that walking around with beer goggles is a good idea

9x39•about 1 hour ago
I didn't fight a culture change in our work dynamic as we went from an extroverted office to a mostly headphones-on culture where people would even sometimes type instead of talk in certain meetings. In the end, I don't think it mattered except that resisting change and insisting on my way could have (would have) backfired.

Didn't see any data in the article, not that I disagree, yet what if AirPods allow a return to normality for those who wish to have some distance?

Maybe everyone's just had to put up with extroverted norms until AirPods and mobile phones came along.

Q: Do you consider yourself more introverted or more extroverted?

9% Completely introverted

29% More introverted than extroverted

31% About an equal mix of extroverted and introverted

15% More extroverted than introverted

7% Completely extroverted

9% Not sure

n=1000 2023 YouGov internet poll

https://docs.cdn.yougov.com/rwpllcwimy/Introverts%20and%20Ex...

Also, Susan Cain's book Quiet claimed 1/3 to 1/2 of the population are introverted. (Who knows)

PaulHoule•about 1 hour ago
Kinda funny but I think this situation is less bad than it was a year ago.

For a while it seemed like young people were hard of hearing like the elderly, somebody would be camped in a weight machine at the gym resting for 30 minutes and I’d have to stick my hand in their face to get their attention or they’d be walking down the street and I couldn’t warn them about hazards on the sidewalk.

Maybe it just doesn’t bother me anymore or maybe they’ve wised up.

alberth•about 1 hour ago
Tinnitus

I swear my tinnitus is a result of use of AirPods.

I never wore any type of earphones ever. Then started using AirPods for calls, during workouts or on a plane. A year later I developed tinnitus and the only thing that changed in my life was wearing AirPods.

I’m no doctor, and who knows what caused my tinnitus. But it’s irreversible. I constantly hear a humming ring now and it’s super distracting, especially trying to go to bed.

I’m no doctor. But heads up for those who haven’t used inner ear headphones.

yesitcan•about 1 hour ago
You forgot to mention the part where this happened recently. You’ll habituate soon and forget about it.

Source: got bad tinnitus from motorcycling, became depressed with suicidal ideation and then got over it.

teruakohatu•about 1 hour ago
> I swear my tinnitus is a result of use of AirPods.

Have you had your hearing checked out by an audiologist? Any hearing loss?

Hearing loss (age) and damage (loud noise) are the most likely culprits.

cadamsdotcom•about 1 hour ago
To me it’s just a proxy for the amount of economic activity in a place.

Every time I go to Melbourne airport in Australia, I’m shocked that nobody - nobody - has their laptop out. In Sydney a few people do. But go to any airport in the US and if not a majority are on laptops at least a large minority seem to be..

So yes - airpods in ears, laptops in airports, city lights at night. Just a sign of how plugged in everyone is to “something” that’s happening.

inigyou•42 minutes ago
Not all activity is economic activity and not all economic activity is valuable. People outside the US aren't generally expected to work 24/7
hug•25 minutes ago
It's totally incorrect to state that the area served by either Sydney or Melbourne airport has less economic activity than the area served by "any airport in the US", or even the vast majority of US airports, so whatever laptops-at-airport (and I suppose airpods-in-ears) is a proxy for it sure isn't economic activity.
karpovv-boris•about 1 hour ago
I did notice the self-isolation effect of wearing any headphones a long time ago. Now, after a few years of using AirPods and finally switching back to cheap cable headphones only for work calls, it actually helps a lot for my brain to register context changes much more easily. And if you have adhd I highly recommend trying to do the same.
lograv•39 minutes ago
This sounds sad to say, but I went on a walk outside, my AirPods died and realized I hadn’t listened to the outside world in a long time. Was a nice reminder to take a breath sometimes and enjoy the world. I think we all forget that
ryukoposting•about 2 hours ago
I didn't realize that research on this topic was so sparse, I just took it as a fact that people wearing airpods don't socialize in public.

When I was in college, the line "he can't hear you, he has airpods in" was a meme. It was used as a jab at someone who wasn't paying attention because they had wireless earbuds in. So I know I'm not the only one who feels that way.

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SpyCoder77•about 1 hour ago
Public, not pubic

> I felt like half the people around me in pubic had some kind of device-connected earwear on their head.

CompoundEyes•27 minutes ago
Not if they’re listening to Bush
tines•about 1 hour ago
> Americans are speaking less and less to one another. The number of spoken words uttered by the average person fell by 28% between 2005 and 2019.

Is it just me or does anyone else turn skeptical when seeing these precise numbers given to something that seems essentially impossible to measure with this accuracy?

comrade1234•about 2 hours ago
Do tattoos too. American living in Switzerland and it's shocking when I go back.
sejje•about 1 hour ago
What are the social effects of tattoos?
kylemaxwell•about 2 hours ago
Eh. I'm autistic and audio overstimulation is very real for me. When out at a restaurant or similar public place, I often have my AirPods in with nothing playing, just noise cancellation. I can still chat with my wife or whomever is with me and hear them, albeit muffled, but it keeps everything else down and manageable. Perhaps I could get some of those Loops, which I understand are less obtrusive.
hydrolox•about 2 hours ago
looks like the seashells of Fahrenheit-451 were inevitable
nytesky•about 2 hours ago
A friend of mine from back home mentioned he hadn't heard anything about the White House UFC fight because he's solely focused on himself right now. Honestly, I think that’s becoming ubiquitous; all of us are navel-gazing and trying to "optimize" looks, diet, exercise, Ai skills, supplements. We can sit through four hours of a Joe Rogan podcast, there are so many long form podcasts! We are all just living inside our own little bubbles now.
groan•about 1 hour ago
Lack of shared values and things to bond over.
micromacrofoot•about 2 hours ago
I actually use AirPods to assist my hearing in loud environments, but this aside...

I think there's also the consideration of: how often have you really wanted a stranger to talk to you on the bus. I've talked to a few women about this, and they don't leave home without headphones because it gives them an excuse to ignore strangers hitting on them in public.

Barbing•about 2 hours ago
I’m so with you, thanks Markham!
trhway•about 2 hours ago
When Walkman came out:

https://www.freethink.com/consumer-tech/sony-walkman-technop...

"Some said it was a sign of a continued rise of Reagan- and Thatcher-style individualism. Cultural critic Allan Bloom deemed the Walkman “a nonstop…masturbational fantasy” in his 1987 book “The Closing of the American Mind.” Neo-Luddite John Zerzan saw the Walkman as part of a modern trend that encouraged a “protective sort of withdrawal from social connections.” Thomas Lipscomb, chief of the Center for the Digital Future, equated it with the euphoric drug “soma,” from Aldous Huxley’s “Brave New World,” creating, as he put it, “an airtight bubble of sound” that was nothing but a “sensory depressant.”

...

The Walkman, critics claimed, was more than just music to one’s ears. It was a tool of societal disconnect ... "

Personally i wear AirPods only in one ear - don't want to be struck by anything i didn't hear coming, and that also doubles the battery time.

Petersipoi•about 2 hours ago
> don't want to be struck by anything i didn't hear coming

Airpods Pro with transparency mode is the best for this

trhway•about 2 hours ago
I don't in general trust the tech, saying that as someone who programmed computer the first time in 1987 :)

And having music in both ears, nice stereo, etc., definitely decreases situational awareness even if the outside sounds come through fine.

walth•about 1 hour ago
Come to the Midwest. Over friendly. Zero air pods effect.
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k2xl•about 2 hours ago
righthand•about 2 hours ago
Phones/Screens and headphones are being optimized to blind you and deafen you from the real world. You dont care though because it creates a pseudo-safe-zone through social status signaling (look at my expensive headphones in my ears, I look so cool and technologically advanced!).
ryukoposting•about 2 hours ago
I see people walking around with airpods in and all I see is that dude from 2010 with the shaved head, Oakley sunglasses, and one of those Jabra single-ear Bluetooth things.
lorecore•about 2 hours ago
> People now wear their AirPods all day at the office. They keep them in while ordering and paying for things in stores and supermarkets.

I wonder how people do this or if my ears are just shaped weird, because I can’t even sit totally still at my desk without them falling out.

nsagent•about 2 hours ago
Get the new Powerbeats Pro 2. Nearly identical in functionality to Airpods, but they have ear hooks as they are designed for sports.
chihuahua•about 2 hours ago
There's a pretty big difference between AirPods and AirPods Pro. The former just sort of loosely sit in the outer part of your ear. The latter form a pretty good seal in your ear canal. That's how you get good noise cancelling with Airpods Pro.

The loose fit of the regular AirPods and the wired EarPods never made any sense to me.

pesus•about 1 hour ago
It also depends on the person and the model of Pros, strangely enough. The first generation stayed in my ears perfectly, but the second generation does not.
InitialBP•about 1 hour ago
This is actually the exact opposite for me. Rubber tipped buds will not stay put in my ears when I move around, while the original airpods models sit within my ears and don't fall out unless I'm doing cartwheels.
tanseydavid•about 1 hour ago
This has been my exact experience too.
inigyou•about 2 hours ago
my $9 wired earbuds from Sony also form a good ear seal by the way. No need to buy the $250 (!) thing from Apple. Unless you don't have a headphone jack.

I've used these to sleep to podcasts or quiet music at music festivals, and they block out the music from outside pretty well. This is because of the flexible rubber seal. My wireless earbuds are hard plastic all the way around and sit (securely) in my earlobes while my wired ones actually go inside my ear canal.

josephg•about 1 hour ago
Yep. The pros also come with a bunch of different silicon ear tips to fit a range of different ear canal sizes.
Balooga•about 2 hours ago
Uh oh. You could be genetically predisposed to have to listen to everyone's problems.
Mistletoe•about 1 hour ago
All my co-workers wear those and I hate it. Any attempt to talk to them about work or personal subjects means they have to hit their ear and pause it. It just makes me want to say nothing.
jwrallie•about 1 hour ago
That could be an advantage if your work requires some kind of sustained concentration, for the other party at least.

I like using by headphones (which are big and over the ears) as a way to signal when I’m on concentration mode and don’t want to talk, but I do that maybe 30-40% of the time.

ActorNightly•about 2 hours ago
> Americans are speaking to one another far less than they used to. According to that study, the number of spoken words uttered by the average person fell by 28% between 2005 and 2019. Each year during that time period, the number of words people spoke in an average day declined.

I wonder what the difference is between this, and culture in EU where small talk isn't really a thing.

jvican•about 2 hours ago
The EU is large and most importantly very diverse. Pretty much all the West and South of Europe has a very strong small talk culture. You shall not stereotype a country, and even less so a political and economical union of countries.
galleywest200•about 1 hour ago
The US is larger than Europe and importantly very diverse, a melting pot you could say. You will find people in the South are far more talkative than people in the Northwest. The “Seattle Freeze” is real and I believe that it does not exist to the same extent in the South.
renjimen•about 1 hour ago
Just pop over the border to Canada from Washington state and they thaw right out!

Also, nit, but Europe has ~2x the population of the States, and definitely more cultural and linguistic diversity.

chadgpt3•about 2 hours ago
I started using them recently but I already wasn't talking to strangers for a long time before that.

I suspect the constant stimulation suppresses the default-mode network, the idle wandering your mind normally experiences when you're doing nothing.

Before that, I'd sometimes hold my phone up to my ear to listen to a podcast (even on the subway at minimum volume) but it was awkward so not ubiquitous. I think buying a paid of wireless earbuds was one of those decisions that made my life subtly worse overall, like eating a whole tub of ice cream.