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Discussion (13 Comments)Read Original on HackerNews
>You can’t become an ultrasuccessful lawyer or artist or politician without first “settling” on law, or art, or politics, and therefore deciding to forgo the potential rewards of other careers. If you flit between them all, you’ll succeed in none of them. Likewise, there’s no possibility of a romantic relationship being truly fulfilling unless you’re willing, at least for a while, to settle for that specific relationship, with all its imperfections—which means spurning the seductive lure of an infinite number of superior imaginary alternatives.
I give this tendency a name, "Optionality cost" (https://herbertlui.net/optionality-cost/):
> When you keep your options open, you’re living a sub-optimal life, betting that you’ll come across the assuredly best option that you’ll eventually commit to.
If you've ever gotten into the groove of this mental habit, this post is a nice reminder to be more mindful when you fall into the trance of imagining a better option, and instead commit to whatever it is you're doing in the present moment.
Isn't it exhausting to always think about stuff?
Take control of your life and be satisfied with what you have. Put away your phone and pick up a book. Listen to a record. Watch a movie.
Yes, people around me want to rise, but I ain't stressin'.
You can literally just "choose" to be happy, assuming there are no big mental health barriers in the way.
Or rather, you can choose behaviors and perspectives that influence your emotional state, even when you can't directly command the emotion itself.
No, it's not easy. Controlling your emotions can be very difficult, but that is actually how it works if you think hard enough about it.
I want "stuff" that I can't buy, like being able to work with others on problems I find personally interesting and important, or being recognized as someone capable of working on challenges problem because of the effort I've put into being able to do so, or contributing to the world in a way that only I can, etc. These aren't things I can just do, like reading a book or watching a movie. In fact, things like reading a book, listening to a record, or watching a movie are things I don't get much out of and don't bring me much joy.
The stuff I DO get a lot out of comes directly from my career. So when it feels like I could/should be getting more out of my career, that's a pretty tough emotion to deal with, and when I hear people claim that doing things like watching a movie or reading a book is the key to happiness, all I hear is someone who simply doesn't understand the dynamic of someone who actually enjoys what they do for work.
Regardless, it's fine to have a different perspective on this, but just know that it's not necessarily about money or even prestige, in itself. I have to spend at least 40 hours a week working, and I'd prefer to spend that time doing what I want to do with people I'd want to do that stuff with. That's accomplished through a more successful career. That satisfaction can't be substituted with leisurely entertainment.
So I suppose my point is that this post really DOES resonate with me lol but it's also interesting that it's not universal.
Big "bedtime is slavery" vibes off this one. Just because you've had every option afforded to you by your mega IQ and elite status doesn't make you a martyr because you get anxious about going on LinkedIn. There are kids who live their whole lives in absolute misery until they get blown up by a US/Israeli bomb. Whether or not you get to work at a startup or not is not tyranny.
This whole culture is so cringe. There's great dignity in being comfortable with your work. Find something that you feel is a noble toil, and just do it to the vest of your ability. I know janitors and chefs who I respect infinitely more than some SF dork whining because they can't decide which startup to work for.
Every person's biggest problem is their biggest problem and it eats up their life in the biggest way possible.
Maslow's hierarchy is not a "smaller and smaller" problems list, it is a definition of what your biggest problem is & the solutions just scarcer as you climb up the ladder.
It's close to 20 years since I wrote about the same "problem" [1] in my life and the intervening years have brought much more grief, toil and resilience. Death of several loved ones causes you to consider what a virtue sounds like an eulogy and what yours will sound like in the end.
As an aside, I've felt like literature & art was backwards in the way it was introduced to me - where the first came "man vs nature", then man vs fellow man & then a "man vs self" battle. After fighting self and others, most of us will succumb to nature instead.
So, whenever someone vents or complains, just remember that this is not a contest or at least rage bait, but to be seen as a genuine struggle within yourself that you have put to words.
There's an episode of "Person of Interest" where the AI singularity struggles to play chess as each move cuts the possible moves and the first move is paralyzingly hard for it. Some people are like that, but regret is a form of hope without feathers. It comes from a strong belief that if you could wind the clock back and start over, it would be all different.
I nearly fell into the trap of Nihilism there ("Consider the Total Perspective Vortex")
[1] - https://notmysock.org/blog/me/a-buffet-intellectual
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